Behind Blue Eyes
by Haku Ishatar
Summary: (SONGFIC ONE SHOT!) Seto is thinking about Mokuba, himself, Noa and life in general. (Worst description I have ever done...)


Haku: Yet another son-fic people, this one starring that debonair CEO, Seto Kaiba!  
  
Y. Haku: Yes... Debonair...  
  
Haku: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Haku: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, but I do own a fair amount of the cards and love to death my own personal favourite, the Darkfire Dragon.  
  
Y. Haku: Neither does she own her newest favourite, and yet again depressing, song, Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit.  
  
~~~  
  
Behind Blue Eyes  
  
~~~  
  
I sit here alone and I contemplate what my life is like.  
  
~No one knows what it's like  
  
To be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man  
  
Behind blue eyes~  
  
Yugi and co. I guess that's a good a name as any for a mongrel dog, a violent idiot, the world's greatest friendship activist and the midget. I guess you could count dice boy and beauty queen into that number as well, hell, even the Albino is a part of that group. Me? I'm alone, in my own separate corner of the world, hidden from everyone except my little brother. Even he belongs into their group, a group where I'm as welcome as dry rot.  
  
~An' no one knows what it's like  
  
To be hated  
  
To be fated  
  
To telling only lies~  
  
It's not that I want to be a part of the awesome Foursome... fivesome... okay, octet. in fact, I'm most likely better off without them. It's the ideals that they hold dear to themselves, friendship, loyalty, hope... I guess you could say I've never really experienced that before, and I hide my longings behind a wall, built up by my 'father'  
  
~But my dreams  
  
They aren't as empty  
  
As my conscience seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance  
  
That's never free~  
  
I sigh, sitting here alone in my room, staring at a photo of my little brother. Mokuba... He doesn't understand the empty shell that I'm lowly becoming under years of separation from anyone who is remotely worth my time. I've been told the best business managers are cold and harsh, but Mokuba, he is my weakness, and my nightmares continually depict him being used against me... like he was before...  
  
Noa..  
  
~No one knows what it's like  
  
To feel these feelin's  
  
Like I do  
  
And I blame you~  
  
That's right, I blame my 'father's biological son, Noa. If he hadn't died, Mokuba and I wouldn't have had to go through hell on Earth, I wouldn't be slipping into cold despair right now. The walls would have never been built around me, and I would never have become who I am today, someone cold and cruel, someone hated, someone hunted. How I wish I could have grown up carefree like say... Yugi, or even that friendship harpy, what's-her- name... Anzu.  
  
~No one bites back as hard  
  
On their anger  
  
None of my pain an' woe  
  
Can show through~  
  
I must keep myself strong, for Mokuba if for anyone. Showing emotion is showing weakness, and allowing weakness is allowing people to walk all over you. My weakness is my little brother, and he will always be, for I can not shut myself off from my own flesh and blood. That's why you're still alive, isn't it Noa? I couldn't destroy your files because in a way, you've become a part of me. You went through the hell of your father as well as I did. You lived a cursed life, you built different walls though, between rationality and blind hated, sealing one off from the other.  
  
~But my dreams  
  
They aren't as empty  
  
As my conscience seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance  
  
That's never free~  
  
Did Mokuba keep me sane, all those years? Was he like how Yugi is to Yami, Rishid to Malik? Someone who was there, who kept me human enough to not go willingly over the edge, but to fight back every goddamn step of the way? Yami has proved he'd do anything for Yugi, and I? I'd do anything for Mokuba. I'd kill for him; I'd even kill myself for him if there was no other way to save him. Cold is the wish of fate, my harsh mistress. My heart is so choked by thorns and so well hidden from the world, it can never be found and released... except by my little brother.  
  
~No one knows what it's like  
  
To be mistreated  
  
To be defeated  
  
Behind blue eyes~  
  
Not even Mokuba knows I kept Noa alive though, dormant, yes, but alive. Maybe I'll find a way to demolish those walls, and maybe there will be three Kaiba brothers instead of two one day. Maybe, for now, I'm hidden, behind blue eyes, clear yet clouded, forever.  
  
~And no one knows how to say  
  
That they're sorry  
  
An' don't worry  
  
I'm not telling lies~  
  
Maybe one day, maybe one day I'll be strong enough to break through the walls, but the mask is so firmly attached, if it came off, they'd think I'd flipped, that it wasn't me acting, even when it really is me I'd be showing them. Such is the trap of a cold heart.  
  
~But my dreams  
  
They aren't as empty  
  
As my conscience seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance  
  
That's never free~  
  
Oh bare, stripped conscience, how did I get into this mess? How can I store the files of the one who tried to destroy myself, tried to brainwash my brother, tried to destroy the world, and not feel guilty? I wonder, if I press 'Delete' would I? There's only one way to find out... but I'm not brave enough to destroy one so like me...  
  
Tears come to my eyes. I can never do something like that; I'm too much of a coward.  
  
~No one knows what it's like  
  
To be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man  
  
Behind blue eyes~  
  
"Seto? Why are you crying Big brother?" I voice I recognise instantly as Mokuba comes from behind me. I turn, and pull him into a warm hug, letting his hair get messed up by my hands as I do so. "Seto?"  
  
"Mokuba, you must promise me something."  
  
"Anything, Big brother."  
  
"Don't make the same mistakes I did, never build a wall around your heart."  
  
~~~  
  
Haku: Okay, that song's been playing around in my head for a few days now, and that fic has been forming alongside it. It didn't make sense though, did it? I thought it was too jumpy... -sweatdrop-  
  
Y. Haku: Yeah, it was a little jumpy... but I liked the idea that Seto kept Noa alive... it's just so sweet.  
  
Haku: Hmn, I thought you'd like that, but I only left Noa alive cos he's cute! ^_^  
  
Y. Haku: -sweatdrop-  
  
Haku: Anyways, R and R? Luff ya guys! 


End file.
